[fic] Mirror Break [Miles Vorkosigan][for wizefics]

written for a (multi-fandom) request made by: wizefics
Fandom: Miles Vorkosigan
Pairing/characters: lingering Bel>Miles, Mark
Warnings/notes: Presumes knowledge of Mirror Dance and spoils some information provided in A Civil Campaign. The request was for a ficlet about (the relationship between) twins, cloned or otherwise, but Miles is only present in spirit here, not physically.


Mirror break
*

Warnings/notes: Bel, Mark, snippet, minor AU/AT, ooc?

Disclaimer: The wondrous world of Miles Vorkosigan was created by Lois MacMaster Bujold.

[!] This fic takes place after Mirror Dance, right before A Civil Campaign, and may be inconsistent with the timing in Diplomatic Immunity. It is based on the idea that Bel might have gone back to Beta Colony for a while, before heading for Graf Station.
**********

When Bel walks into Mark -nearly literally, mumbling apologies and about to saunter on to nowhere in particular- its first reaction is a distant surprise, not at finding Mark on Beta Colony, but at not immediately thinking of Miles upon seeing Mark.

Of course, in all the time Bel's known Miles, he's always insisted on Mark being a different person, his *brother*, not merely his clone, a cheap copy of the original, less gifted, less smart ... less everything. Bel knows though that, not just to it, but also to most others under Miles' command, Mark has never truly become someone fully separate from Miles; they always thought of Mark as 'that crazy clone of Miles' or, in some cases, 'that little bastard'. Mark's name was hardly ever used without Miles' name being in the same sentence, and naturally, any comparison between Mark and Miles would fall out in Miles' favor.

In a way, Bel supposes it ought to feel at least a little bitter towards Mark, yet for what can it reasonably blame him? For allowing Bel to live an illusion for a while, to chase after a dream it knew to be impossible from the start? (Actually, it'd make more sense to blame *Miles* for that, because ever since it's known Miles, Bel has little by little stopped to believe in the impossible.)

Mark expects Bel not to be too happy at their meeting; Bel sees that clearly enough in the way Mark turns away quickly, offering excuses for a run-in that wasn't his fault (and, perhaps, for a botched mission that wasn't his fault either, yet that Miles managed to salvage against all the odds).

Bel decides it's time for another bit of tactics that it's picked up from Miles. (There's a brief stab as the memory resurfaces, as it hears Miles' voice again, but it's not too bad, more of a reminder of good old times, than of crashed careers and lost chances.)

When a situation starts to look like a lost cause, save the day (and your skin) by doing the unexpected.

And so, a short while later, Bel finds it has invited Mark for a drink in the place where it has come too often after its arrival on Beta Colony, and less often nowadays, sipping today's special and watching Mark gulp down his own drink a little too quickly to completely hide his apprehension.

Miles, Bel muses, would never have given away so much with his body-language. Miles wouldn't have been so hesitant in striking up a conversation, in searching for a safe topic to discuss. If Mark had been Miles, Bel wouldn't be forced to step in, to come up with things to talk about.

Still, eventually, they get there, with Mark openly discussing his reasons for being here, his 'black gang', his therapy and his having visited the Orb, and with Bel mostly listening, every now and then commenting or dragging up a memory of its own.

They talk for almost an hour, and the subject of Miles not once comes up, until Mark starts telling some sort of anecdote about some obscure tradition on Barrayar. He starts on a sentence, coming as far as 'And then Miles -' before he abruptly shuts his mouth, staring at Bel like a child who's been caught at doing something wrong, something for which he knows he should be punished.

Bel wonders how Mark can be so vulnerable, and if Mark has always been like that, or if this is just an after-effect of the therapy. As any Betan would, Bel responds almost instinctively, making his voice soothing, in a way that conveys respect and understanding, that tells Mark that Bel considers him as an equal, a fellow grown-up human being.

Mark winds up sharing the whole Miles-filled anecdote, and it's nearly impossible not to chuckle or at least grin at the end of it. And so Bel does, chuckling lightly and feeling happier than it has for a long time.

And before it's able to think about it too much, Bel has started on a story of its own, also about Miles, this time leaving Mark to be the one to chuckle at the finish. It feels surprisingly good to talk to someone who knows what it's like to be around Miles, really.

In the end, they part closer to friends than they have ever been. At some point in time, perhaps, Bel has had a far deeper friendship with Miles than it'll ever have with Mark, or even with any other human being, but the past is the past.

Looking at the stars that evening, Bel thinks that maybe, they're within its reach again after all, together with the rest of the universe.

(Well, not Jackson's Whole or Barrayar, probably, but there's more to the universe than those two planets.)

(Just like there's more to life than Miles, unlikely as that may have seemed, once.)

~another beginning~